Snug as a bug in a crumpled up paper towel

Do you see it?

I tried to blur out the edges around it to make it more easily visible.

That ginormous black spot on the upper left side of the pic? Look close.

Yup. That's a bug.

Oh sure, he LOOKS tiny and harmless.

But you can't make out all the tentacles and gross little beady eyes in this pic.

And why the hell is he hanging out on the ceiling above MY side of the bed? He's up to no good.

Thankfully Dono (husband/exterminator) is home sick today. He's takin' care of business. 

I cannot kill bugs. It's not like I'm a nature-lover or one with all beings or whatever. Bugs just gross me out. So where I fail in controlling the bug population, Dono picks up the slack.

When he's not home, however, and I'm faced with a mocking multipede, and the vacuum cleaner's not within the general vicinity of the culprit, and when there's no Windex (or other toxic chemical in a spray bottle) in sight, I come up with other ways to ensure my personal space is bug-free.

Outta sight, outta mind.

And Dono loves feeling like a knight when he comes home to slay the beast. It's a win-win.


SoundTracking: Shakin' All Over (The Guess Who)

"Here's a thought for sweat shop owners: Air Conditioning. Problem solved."

In the December 2001 issue of Penthouse, Mitch Hedberg was asked "If you could choose, how would you end your life?" His response: "First, I'd want to get famous, and then I'd overdose. If I overdose at this stage in my career, I would be lucky if it made the back pages."

Three years later, as if a self-fulfilled prophecy, the comedian with the cult following was found dead in a hotel room in Livingston, New Jersey. Cause of death: "multiple drug toxicity" in the form of cocaine and heroin.

Today marks the anniversary of his death. 

The news of his passing wasn't formally announced until April 1, 2005, leading many to believe it was an April Fool's joke, only to discover that, of course, it was not.

I regret not having heard of Hedberg until a few years after his passing (I would have loved to have subscribed to the cult, followed him on tour, shook the man's hand). But (thank god for YouTube showing me what I otherwise never knew about), since discovering Hedberg and his signature comedic delivery of his absurd one-liner brand of observational humour, I am hooked.

Hedberg occasionally added disclaimers to the end of a joke to let the audience know that he shared their judgement of it, most notably acknowledging when jokes were poorly delivered or received with a resigned "all right." He also toyed with the audiences that failed to respond in the way he had intended them to, occasionally quipping, "That joke's better than you acted." During recordings for CDs, he would often say that he would find a way to edit a failed gag to make it seem well received, for example by "adding laughter" to a failed joke containing arithmetic. Following such a failure on Strategic Grill Locations, Hedberg suggested, "All right... that joke is going to be good because I'm going to take all the words out and add new words. That joke will be fixed." - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mitch_Hedberg

Today, March 30, I want to remember Mitch - a man who, because of stage fright, often performed while wearing sunglasses, with his head down and hair in his face, or his eyes closed so that he could avoid eye contact with the audience; who couldn't control the nervous shaking of his hands as he'd hold the microphone.

Who, with a unique presence and occasionally flubbed jokes, was on the rise. He was gonna be big. Before his death, Hedberg released three CDs, all of which I've heard many times over. His style was unparalleled. 

I can only imagine what kinda stuff he'd be coming up with today - Lord knows the world's full of enough material for a freakin' anthology of Hedberg humour. 

If you're new to the legacy of Mitch, then read on and check out a few of his classics (these will never get old):

• I went to a record store, they said they specialized in hard-to-find records. Nothing was alphabetized.
• I have a vest. If I had my arms cut off, it would be a jacket.
• I had one anchovy, that's why I didn't have two anchovies.
• I saw a lady on T.V. She was born without arms. Literally, she was born with her hands attached to her shoulders... and that was sad, but then they said, "Lola does not know the meaning of the word 'can't.'" And that to me was kinda worse... in a way... ya know? Not only does she not have arms, but she doesn't understand simple contractions. It's very simple, Lola, you just take two words, you put them together, then you take out the middle letter, you put a comma in there and you raise it up!
• An escalator can never break--it can only become stairs. You would never see an "Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order" sign, just "Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience. We apologize for the fact that you can still get up there."
• Sometimes in the middle of the night, I think of something that's funny, then I go get a pen and I write it down. Or if the pen's too far away, I have to convince myself that what I thought of ain't funny.
• You know, I'm sick of following my dreams, man. I'm just going to ask where they're going and hook up with 'em later.
• I went to a pizzeria, I ordered a slice of pizza, the fucker gave me the smallest slice possible. If the pizza was a pie chart for what people would do if they found a million dollars, the fucker gave me the "donate it to charity" slice. I would like to exchange this for the "keep it!"
• I was walking by a dry cleaner at 3 a.m., and it said "Sorry, we're closed." You don't have to be sorry. It's 3 a.m., and you're a dry cleaner. It would be ridiculous for me to expect you to be open. I'm not gonna walk by at 10 a.m. and say, "Hey, I walked by at 3, you guys were closed. Someone owes me an apology. This jacket would be halfway done!"

And of course, a couple of clips of the man doing what he did best:

SoundTracking: Mitch All Together (Mitch Hedberg comedy)

Can Justin Bieber change the world?

Elvis did.

After all, it's because of his music that mankind was able to achieve space travel.

(Find ONE report that denies this.)

Ok, moon-walking aside, the birth of rock 'n roll in the 1950s fed into the emerging social culture of teen rebellion. The older generation fought against the uprise of "the devil music", but parents pitted against transistor radios always lost out to the likes of Jerry Lee Lewis and Little Richard.

This new wave of defiance required a soundtrack, and the music responded accordingly. (Elvis, of course, being the King of Rock, is the iconic representation of this evolution.)

Years later, in the turbulence of the 60s, the experimental sounds from musicians like Bob Dylan, The Byrds, and Buffalo Springfield laced the charts with songs about revolution and protests to question the state of society and empower people to make a difference.

Music carried a message to induce change.

People united and protested for peace.

The Byrds' Turn! Turn! Turn! and CCR's Fortunate Son have been a staple in my collection since my mixed tape days. Not because of their lyrics, but rather, they're damn good songs. Musically.

(Now that I'm older, of course, I can appreciate their subject matter.)

Fast forward ahead a few decades (catapulting over the 90s - sorry Gin Blossoms and Better Than Ezra) to a brand spankin' new century.

A new culture, spoiled by commercialism, where over-indulgence has become the norm.

A time riddled with what I like to call "first world problems" (lunch-hour botox injections, anyone?).

And a new generation of music to reflect it all.

At the helm of today's popular music, a universal theme: boy-meets-girl-boy-falls-in-love (but the context has changed - I haven't tried this yet, but if you played The Beach Boys' Wouldn't It Be Nice to a group of teens who listen to - what do kids listen to these days?! - the innocence of the lyrics would blow. Their. Minds.).

But my point is this: war is not over.

Global unrest is abundant.

Telethons raising money for natural disasters don't put a lid on fear, horror and agony.

The era of the 60s protests movements in the U.S. produced legendary songs with lyrics that could very well be transposed to today's global circumstances, and proved there seems to be an undeniable link between music and political movements, so my question is this:

Where are the protest songs of today?

I know these songs exist. Of course they do - Green Day has an anti-war song. So does Lenny Kravitz. But I've never turned on the radio and heard them played in regular rotation. Why are these songs so sparse? Why is it that mainstream media pays no attention to this brand of theme? What has changed about the world that we aren't inundated with a slew of songs about peace and love and uniting a nation? I can't speak from experience on growing up in the 60s (that time was such a blur for everyone, wasn't it....?!?!), but from what I gather, my research and discussions dictate these protest songs were as revered, appreciated, loved and commonplace in that era as, say, Justin Bieber's Baby might be in THIS era.

Music icons of decades past have moulded the Western world - maybe if the Beebs sang "C'mon people now, smile on your brother, ev'rybody get together, try to love one another right now", he, too, could be the voice to empower the generation and make a difference.

SoundTracking: Like A Rolling Stone (Bob Dylan)

Grass, Rain and Candy Canes

Not a Strawberry Alarm Clock reunion tour anthem.

It's what I see out the side kitchen window.

And it's a blatant, sad discovery I stumbled upon as I gazed outside while unloading the dishwasher: I am a hypocrite.

Normally this wouldn't bother me so much, but this particular revelation of hypocrisy, in this particular way, left me stunned.

MY delightful candy cane lights that brighten up the front pathway at Christmastime are out, on my fence, in MARCH. What are they even DOING there? Were they on their way to storage and whoever was putting them away got tired from hauling the 0.4lb-total load, stopped to hang them on the fence to take a breather, and then got distracted by a butterfly or something?

This may not be a big deal to anyone else, but it's pretty huge for me.

ME, the one who bitches out loud to no one in particular about the pumpkin garbage bags I see on people's yards as I drive by, or the cupid window decals on neighbour's houses. "Take down your GD decorations, what the hell's the matter with you!"

ME, who told Donovan, "Those people must be dead or trapped in their basement under a bookcase, what other reason do they have for not taking down that wreath on their front door?", who was half-consdering registering www.howhardcanitbetotakedownyourdecorations.com - I have this scene staring back at me as I look out the window!

I'm gonna go do something about it! 

After I finish baking cookies.....

.....and after it stops raining.....but by then it could be dark already.....and Donovan has to make space in the garage....but then I have to move my SUV for that, and it's kinda cold....HEY, lookit that pretty butterfly fluttering around out there....

SoundTracking: Light My Fire (The Doors)

Don't call me Soccer Mom

Enrolled the Roo in soccer.

By default, that makes me a soccer mom.

I know the term has come a long way in the past few years, and has since transcended the cookie-cutter image of the stained-sweat-pants-wearing, wood-panelled-mini-van-driving, puffy-eyed, thermos-full-of-SunnyD-drinking mom.

But that image still sticks with me from my days on the field as a young North Kildonan Cobra who watched the stressed out mothers yelling at their kids (and the other kids, and each other), smoking cigarettes and eating a bag of salt 'n vinegar chips.

Typical? Or was it just my soccer club?

Anyway, I've decided I'm gonna bring a new look to the sidelines.

"I'm pretty sure I didn't just hear you dis my 4 yr old's kicking ability, am I right?"

SoundTracking: The Jets game! Tied at 3 going into the 3rd...

Keyboard Cat

Hi, my name is Cat, and I can play the keyboard.

I may be decades removed from my award-winning performance of Anne Murray's Snowbird at my very first Tauber's Kawai Music Festival (I rocked the organ, and created arrangements like a pro), but despite the exorbitant hiatus, my love for the keys has never waned.

That's why we picked me up a brand new 88-key digital piano a couple of months ago. (Yay!)

Weighted scaled hammer action tri-sensor keys for that true acoustic feel. WHAT IS A TRI-SENSOR KEY?


Music lessons never prepared me for the big wide world of the keys beyond the bass pedals and the upper and lower keyboard. Weighted keys? Sustain pedals? What gives! So now, not having been trained on the piano, this is gonna be a bit of a challenge, but I've got time, determination, passion, and a book of Beatles' music to conquer.

My goal is to be ready to rock the 2013 Tauber's festival with my piano rendition of Snowbird.

Watch out, 7-8 year olds, I'm gonna kick some piano-lovin' ass. That golden treble clef trophy's mine.

My parents have the old organ at their house, and it's always fun to tinker around now and then - teaching my little Roo how to "play" "music" - Christmas, 2010

SoundTracking: For What It's Worth (Buffalo Springfield)

A Feast for the Fans at the Fest

Alliteration nation!

Ok, now that that's out of my system, let's get down to business...

The Fest officially kicked off its 38th year of celebrating all-things Beatles this evening.

I didn't get a chance to click on over to the site until just before 10pm CST, and I was lucky enough to catch the tail-end of what appeared to be a fan-favourite Beatles' Look-A-Like contest (top prize went to a pre-teen boy dressed as barefooted Paul from the cover of Abbey Road - thanks for coming out, everyone else - you're always going to lose to the kids!), and, thankfully, I caught a set of the glory that is Liverpool.


"Liverpool, the world's finest Beatles tribute band, is an integral part of our 'Fest Family' and has been our exclusive house band for nearly every Fest. Their dedication to the spirit of The Beatles music is unmatched, playing a vast majority of Beatles and solo songs, plus playing with dozens of great musical guests over the years."


Now before I indulge you with my review, you must know - there are two truths in my world: I have a fear of wide open spaces, and I love The Beatles.

My first experience with a "tribute" band came at the hands (and voices) of the local Free Ride boys. Fun. I could sing along. They sounded good.

Next up, years later, a tribute band from abroad breezed through town, playing a gig with the Winnipeg Symphony Orchestra. The Concert Hall was a more impressive venue than one of the city's casinos, so I was intrigued. The band, Classical Mystery Tour, provided for me the closest thing to a religious experience I could imagine. (To hear Penny Lane backed by a full symphony - seriously, if all the world leaders came together and listened to the show, I'm pretty sure we'd end third world debt and stop wars.) CMT drummer Chris Camilleri also plays in a primarily Paul McCartney show (Live And Let Die, also with symphony support), as does guitarist John Merjave.

Camilleri ALSO happens to be one of the founding members of Liverpool - the same band that's anchoring the entertainment at The Fest. (Camilleri is a very busy guy!)

So, knowing all this, I was pretty sure Liverpool wasn't going to be some schmaltzy act. This was, however, my first encounter with the talents of the other bandmates.

The one obvious difference from my other Camilleri-related shows - no symphony. This was my chance to hear the basic, stripped-down 4-piece band playing just the songs of The Beatles, the way just The Beatles played 'em. This, of course, fosters a more dance-and-let-loose-get-friendly-with-the-bartender environment than the orchestra shows. (The bartender at the Concert Hall wouldn't have very much appreciated me dancing on his bar. Again...) Fun!

And, the second obvious difference - the vocals. In the other two shows, the band's McCartney is a fixture in both, just as is Camilleri. So once I got past the fact that the vocals weren't quite what I was expecting, the familiar harmonies kicked in, and I found myself bobbing my head and cranking the volume on my Mac.

The combined masterful musicianship of Drew Hill, Glen Burtnik, Merjave & Camilleri has the magical ability to transport you to a moment in time that you more than likely never experienced, but always dreamed you could. Personally, the music of The Beatles has been, predominantly, the soundtrack of my childhood, and to hear these tunes played out in a "live" setting, by the next-best-thing, is an exhilarating experience. So I MAY be slightly biased...

But, judging by the crowd reactions via the live feed, I do believe I've got general consensus backing me up here.

Liverpool brought the Fest fans to their feet with near exact musical replicas of such classic Beatles' tunes as You Can't Do That, Paperback Writer (complete with what I recently - and very excitedly - discovered is several slow incantations of the French nursery rhyme "Frère Jacques" in the backing vocals - très cool!), Day Tripper, I Saw Her Standing There, and Slow Down, to name but a few. Just a sampling of what's to come. Musician and former Ringo producer Mark Hudson joined the band onstage to perform one song much to the delight of the Liverpool-lovin' crowd before the group called it a night, promising to resume their festivities tomorrow. Tune in if you can - Liverpool takes the stage Saturday night at 9:15pm EST and Sunday at 8:15pm EST.

Glen Burtnik takes the lead

Chris Camilleri killin' it on the skins

Mark Hudson, Ringo's former producer, pulls an impromptu performance

Liverpool

SoundTracking: Action (Streetheart)